How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
