I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
