it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
