Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
