not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
