I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
