I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
