What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
