I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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