What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
