the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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