New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
