why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
