I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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