he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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