Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We need to get me chipped asap
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
