Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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