Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
