your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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