dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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