I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
