He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
