you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
