I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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