Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
