Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
