Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
