im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
