I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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