i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
