I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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