drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
