You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
