My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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