oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
