??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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