Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
foreskin is a definite game changer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
