good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
