"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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