its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
