I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
