no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
