It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
