Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
