are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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