At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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