my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
