Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
