so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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