nut hugger
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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